One of the toughest lessons we have to learn as we get older is not only how to say goodbye to our loved ones, but to be the one to organize things when they pass. Saying goodbye to a loved one is tough, but doing it with two people can be very stressful. It happens often that couples pass closely, one after another, or even at the same time. Here, we’re going to look at the special considerations you might have to make for a double funeral in the event you have to manage one.
Many of the same needs apply
In most cases, a double funeral is going to require much the same planning and thought as a single funeral. You may need to get in touch with a funeral home and talk to a director about planning for some kind of service. You are also going to consider purchasing headstones, caskets, and a plot for them to be buried in. In such cases, then you might want to consider whether a space can provide a plot to accommodate both people, or whether they need to be housed separately. In some cases, one of the two may already have a family plot with a space ready for them. In that case, it might be better to treat the funerals as separate.
Be ready to spend more time looking for a funeral
If you’re looking to plan a full memorial-style service or funeral for two people, then you might need to be prepared for the possibility that the first funeral director might not be able to help you. Given that the plans for two people are typically much larger than the plans for one person, not every funeral home is going to be able to take them on, depending on how busy they are. In the event that you cannot find a funeral director who can hold a double event, then you might need to opt for having two services held in different parts of the same parlor at the same time or one after the other. It might not be ideal, but you may have to be prepared to compromise to some degree.
Considering cremation
Given that the costs of a funeral can very much double, including headstones, caskets, and funeral services, a lot of people consider the possibility of cremation for practical and financial reasons. If that’s the case, then you can make it a more thoughtful affair, allowing a couple to be together still, with the help of urns for two. Also known as companion urns, they can house the ashes of two people, so that they can be kept together, whether in a place of respect in a loved one’s home or somewhere that they can be scattered.
Be mindful of the traditions of both
In many cases, both people you are saying goodbye to might have much the same traditions, religion, denomination, and wishes for how their memorial or funeral is to be handled. However, you should not simply assume that is the case. Be sure to take the time to research their traditions, which may include asking family members and other loved ones on both sides. You might be able to accommodate two different sets of traditions into a joint ceremony, but sometimes it simply isn’t going to work out. At the same time, while asking others for advice, it’s important not to get too hung up on what any one individual might suggest, but to keep the people you are honoring in mind, first and foremost.
Thinking about accommodations
As mentioned, the needs of a double funeral tend to be a lot bigger than that of a single funeral. One that requires extra attention is the likelihood that there are going to be a lot more attendees. While many of the attendees are likely to know both people, and you will get some overlap if you had planned both funerals separately, you’re still likely to need a larger venue. This accounts for not just choosing a funeral director and a home but choosing a venue for any memorial lunch or the like after the fact. You might even have to look at the possibility of securing any extra parking at a venue.
Creating a memorial for them
Whether you think that the couple you are saying goodbye to is particularly special and worth remembering, or you weren’t able to arrange a double funeral but still want a way to honor them together, then finding a way to create a memorial might be just the way to do it. To that end, there are various options for memorials outside of the funeral, which can include planting a tree with a plaque for them, having a memorial put on a park bench, making some small gesture for them at a location that was special to them, or even making an online scrapbook that can stand as a testament to them for all to see.
Sometimes, double funerals can mean something different
If you’re talking to any funeral directors or other service providers about arranging a double funeral, then you might have to keep in mind that sometimes, the term can mean something else. While it usually describes a funeral for more than one person, it can also mean a second funeral for someone who has had a previous service. This can include memorial services in the event of someone who has a lot of family members who are overseas or have to travel too far to make it to an initial service. This isn’t common, but if you’re looking for information or services to help, it’s important to know, so that you don’t get tripped up on information regarding the wrong type of double funeral.
Managing a funeral can be tough, even with professional help. Doing it for two people at the same time is asking a lot. Be sure to enlist help from family and friends if you can. It’s best for one person to be in charge of the decision-making, but that doesn’t mean that you have to do it alone.
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